Dear Self,  

With the new cases on the rise, it felt like it was even harder to protect myself from COVID. But here I am…and so are many of my friends.

I’m trying to treat myself with the same compassion and kindness that I always feel for people I love during a tough time like this. I know when people get sick it’s kind of natural for them to feel like they’ve done something wrong and, for some reason with COVID-19, that feeling is strong for me.

I guess this is a reminder that blaming myself or others doesn’t help. In fact, it can make things worse by making it harder for me to talk about the pain and discomfort I’m feeling. I tried everything in my power to not get sick so, I have to remind myself that just as much as precautions minimize risk, they do not eliminate it. Getting hung up on getting COVID-19 and blaming myself or others is only going to create more stress and make recovery harder.

I try to remind myself that life’s complicated and things that we may not anticipate sometimes happen…that we can’t control what happens, but we can control how we respond. So instead of blaming myself or others, I’ve talked to my family, friends, and my doctor. See, everyone’s experience is different, however in some shape or form I know we’ve all been affected by COVID-19. Our lives have changed, and we are all navigating through this together.

Getting sick with COVID-19 is just one part of my story during this time. There were many things I missed out on so I’m learning to build my foundation again while also using the pieces that I’ve still got despite the pandemic. I make coffee in the morning, meditate, watch my favorite shows, facetime my friends and try to appreciate all that I already have. I allow myself to feel settled despite it all. As humans I know we’re used to routine, and we find comfort in patterns. I also know that when I can’t find those patterns, it can feel unsettling. I don’t know what the future holds, and some days it can feel like I’ve lost the framework to my life. So, I constantly narrate my story to remind myself of my dreams, goals and the things that bring me joy. I often imagine myself with a pen and paper writing out what my next day will be like and if things change, I cross over it, and continue writing…

Yours truly,

Me

New York Project Hope

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